wow
it's been quite a while
and i have
great
news
first of all
i'm not as
"depressing"
or
"pessimistic"
just a little pissed and hopeful ;)
i'm pissed about garrett
i've tried many times and he
WILL NOT
communicate with me
and i hate it
it's
EXTREMELY
rude and obnoxious
but
since my last little discovery
i'm giving up on him
(but will probably go with him if he ever wanted to again)
and i have moved on
i have a couple things goin on
chancery will always be there
and markus is
REALLY
fun to flirt with
plus he's a christian which i have to say
is a
MAJOR
turn on for me for some odd reason lol
and then there's josh
yes
josh beever
i don't know why this happened
but it did
we went to the mall
his house
and mine
and it happened
somewhere between
leaving the pinnacle
and leaving his house
...we clicked...
it was so weird
cause i had been avoiding feeling this way about him
since last year
and then we clicked
and then i came home
and read his blog
about his
girlfriend
and i was crushed
i felt like he had lead me on
the WHOLE time
so i told him
and he was actually surprised to hear that
i felt the same way he did about that night
so
i told him to stay with billy
(his gf)
and i'll go ahead and do whatever
and when we're both single
and comfortable dating
then we'll date
but then there's a problem
...chancery...
i
DO NOT
want to hurt him in
ANY
shape or form
but he's been so patient
and willing to wait
and if i just go off
with someone else...
...not only will he feel bad
i'll feel like
SHIT...
i love chancery
he's been there for me through
everything
and he loves me back
i just don't want to do what
sarah
did to him.
i'm not too sure if i want to date
josh
anyways
i'd much rather go for chancery
but then i'd be leading
josh
on.
and markus is just there
well
i think
(since josh is dating someone right now and he said it was ok for me to too)
i'll go ahead and date someone.
i just don't know if i'm ready for chancery.
gosh...
you know...
i think i might be ready...
just maybe...
yeah
that'd be fun
*smiles to self*
then i think everything will be fun
i just don't know if
i'm ready for the
kissing
holding hands
dancing
i love you
parts of the relationship...
i'm ready for chancery
just not the relationship
...hmmm...
well
something to think on
peace
xoxoxo
